[Rick Masters]

February 27, 2017

Two taxidermists prepare to capture an Ozone Warbler.
"Did you bring the ladder?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"I thought you brought the ladder?"
"I didn't bring the ladder!"
"Why not?"
"I thought you brought the ladder."
"I didn't bring the ladder."
Unfortunately, no egg was found.

[Rick Masters]

February 26, 2017

High in its nest an Ozone Warbler chirps happily, its cry of "Hallop! Hallop!" echoing through the misty forest.
Soon perhaps, a mate will come.
Then perhaps, an egg!
Unfortunately, no egg was found.

[Rick Masters]

Snapping and clucking angrily, an Ozone Warbler foils all attempts by a solitary taxidermist to ensnare it.
"All I wanna to do is pluck it and stuff it," sobs the novice taxidermist, tearfully. "But it won't let me."
Some time later, the master taxidermist arrives and offers some advice.
"You have to grab it by its ankle," he says, kindly. "That makes it relax."
"But then wadda I do?"
"You drag it down the ladder, of course."
"But I don't have a ladder!"
"What?!" the master taxidermist responds, shocked. "No ladder? What kind of taxidermist are you!"
"Whaaaaaaa," sobs the novice, devastated.

[Bob Kuczewski]

"You drag it down the ladder, of course."
"But I don't have a ladder!"
"What?!" the master taxidermist responds, shocked. "No ladder? What kind of taxidermist are you!"
"Whaaaaaaa," sobs the novice, devastated.

Maybe this topic should be assigned reading for aspiring warbler taxidermists ... and Korean restaurant cooks?

[Rick Masters]

February 26, 2017

High in the forest canopy, an Ozone Warbler chirps contentedly.
Patient cries of "Hallop! Hallop!" echo through the peaceful forest.
Soon a mate will come.
Then perhaps, an egg!
Unfortunately, no egg was found.

[Rick Masters]

Origins of "The Nesting Behavior of the Ozone Warbler"

The taxidermists

It may surprise some that the taxidermists who capture the Ozone Warblers in this parody are modeled after the townspeople who eagerly "captured" parachuting exhibitionists in the early days of parachuting. To garner publicity, newspapers and businesses would often sponsor hot-air balloon ascensions and parachute drops by so-called "professors," offering a cash reward to the first person to "capture" the parachutist. In those days before cars, mobs of excited young people, their eyes glued to the sky, would run down the streets for city blocks after the descending parachutist, hoping to be the one to grab him and claim the reward.

The Philadelphia Inquirer (Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)
08 Sep 1895, Sun, Page 3



Today: Early parachutists on display an the Mutter Museum in Rittenhouse Square.

"Look, Johnny, there's Professor Limberto!"

[Rick Masters]

March 8, 2017

Snapping and squawking, an Ozone Warbler keeps a novice taxidermist at bay.
"I don't think it likes me!" whines the novice.
"Grab it by its ankle," instructs the master taxidermist from below.
"Okay, I got it. Now wadda I do?"
Unfortunately, no egg was found.

[Rick Masters]

March 12, 2017

High in its arboreal abode, an Ozone Warbler chirps peacefully, not a care in the world.
Its soft cries of "Hallop! Hallop" echo through the quiet forest.
But it's lonely at the top.
Hopefully, soon, perhaps, a mate will come.
Then, perhaps, an egg!
Unfortunately, no egg was found.

[Rick Masters]

"In this rare footage, an Ozone Warbler has a small video camera attached to his head and is released from the top of a hill," says a professor from the university.
"At first it appeared he would fly away, but he suddenly had the urge to nest and quite deliberately chose a tree for the purpose. Then, before we could reach it, a nearby taxidermist seized it and carried it off with our camera. We later found our footage on YouTube," finished the professor, sadly.
Unfortunately, no egg was found.

[Rick Masters]

March 12, 2017

A taxidermist cautiously approaches a nesting Ozone Warbler.