In this rare photograph, a typical warbler mimics the descent posture of a nesting Ozone Warbler. "We are concerned that the smaller birds may attempt landing in the same manner as the larger Ozone Warbler species," says a professor from the university. "We believe this unaerodynamic landing posture may be linked in some way to the decline in numbers of eggs laid by the creatures resulting, potentially, in an evolutionary dead end. Clearly, it sets a very bad example for other species."
High in the unreachable forest canopy an Ozone Warbler chirps happily, its call of "Hallop! Hallop!" echoing through the wilderness. Soon perhaps a mate will come. Then an egg! Unfortunately, no egg was found.
Nestled comfortably in its arboreal abode, an Ozone Warbler waits patiently for a female to spot its colorful nest and join him in matrimonial bliss. "Hallop! Hallop!" he chirps, contentedly, wistfully dreaming of the joy to come while below a starving peasant starts an old chain saw. Unfortunately, no egg was found.
If a paraglider lasts 3 years before it has degraded then think for a minute, A tree landing is the safest way to avoid injury. An ambulance ride costs at least $1,200 and a depreciated paraglider is worth less than $1,000 so a tree landing is the best outcome. An average hospital admission has risen from $10,000 to $20,000. Tree landings look pretty good. Lets plant more trees around paraglider landing zones to prevent injuries.
High in a pine forest an Ozone Warbler cleverly conceals itself using the camouflaged colors of its nest. "This Ozone Warbler is obviously very intelligent," said a professor from the university. "No other creature, including its nemesis the Crunchy Northern Warbler, can tell if it is in the tree or not." "Where is Warbler?" demands a cook from a nearby North Korean resaurant. "I give you fifty dollar!" Unfortunately, no egg was found. "What Warbler?" asks a taxidermist.
Five taxidermists, three cooks from a nearby North Korean restaurant and a utility worker pull the nest of an Ozone Warbler from a 10,000-volt power line after plucking the sizzling creature. "I wish they'd nest in trees like other birds," said the utility worker, tiredly. "I give you fifty dollar!" says a cook, suspiciously.
"All we had to do was warm it up," said a starving peasant. "Yeah," added another. "It was already cooked!"
In this rare video footage captured by a tiny camera attached to the head of an Ozone Warbler, the creature shows that it can actually choose a tree to nest in and gently descend into it. "We don't know why so many Ozone Warblers smash into trees at great velocity, possibly damaging their eggs," says a professor from the university. "This video provides proof that at least a few Ozone Warblers are capable of nesting successfully." "We now suspect that this particular Ozone Warbler did not land with the intention of making a nest for the purpose of attracting a mate," continued the professor. "Rather, the creature entered the tree to nibble on succulent leaves and pluck meaty yellow grubs from the branches, upon which the creature can be seen feasting. It may be that when the creatures are driven by thoughts of hunger, they are more careful than when thinking about mating." "Unfortunately, before the creature could finish its meal, it was beset upon by a group of starving peasants with handsaws." "It now appears that forest depletion is taking place at high rates in areas where Ozone Warblers frequent. This environmental degradation is offset somewhat by lower levels of starvation among peasants." "The one observation that astounded us can be seen at the end of the video. The researcher had attached a micro video camera to the creature's egg in order to determine what has been happening to them, as they are rarely found. We had suspected all along that small, fuzzy forest creatures were running off with them, leaving no trace. What we discovered has completely turned our understanding of the Ozone Warbler on its head!"
Three cooks from a nearby North Korean restaurant, surrounded by hungry customers, arrive at the parking lot to find an Ozone Warbler in its nesting crater. "Warbler tender now," said one cook, peering under the nest. "Will make good Uguisumochi for breakfast special."
Three taxidermists and two cooks from a nearby North Korean resaurant, accompanied by three hungry customers, search the nesting crater of an Ozone Warbler as a helicopter from the zoo arrives to rush the egg to an incubator. "I give you fifty dollar!" says a cook to a taxidermist. Unfortunately, no egg was found.
A taxidermist tries to coax a Great Northern Crunchy Warbler from a tree after it has attacked and eaten an Ozone Warbler. "Before 1986, there were no Ozone Warblers in the range of the Great Northern Crunchy Warbler," said a professor from the university. "But today the Ozone Warbler has taken over much of their territory and their numbers are dwindling as they migrate inland." Unfortunately, no egg was found.