US Hawks Hang Gliding Association

February 2, 2018

Taxidermists searching the forest on reports of an Ozone Warbler sighting stumble upon a crater.
"Look!" says a taxidermist, pointing. "I think there's something moving down there!"
Suddenly a mysterious figure, wearing dark glasses to conceal his identity, emerges from the bushes clutching a cell phone.
After a short, whispering conversation, he says, "I give you fifty dollar!"
Unfortunately, no egg was found.

February 13, 2018

An angry Ozone Warbler, snapping and clacking, is slowly lowered to the ground by weary taxidermists.
"I can't wait to pluck it and stuff it," says one taxidermist, nursing his scratches.
Unfortunately, no egg was found.

Wrapped shyly within its nest, an Ozone Warbler waits patiently for a female.
Unfortunately, no egg was found.

As he is lowered next to the Ozone Warbler by his fellow taxidermists, the novice calls out, "I don't think it likes me... It's making weird noises! Can I come down now?"
"Just grab it by the ankle," yells the master taxidermist from below. "That'll calm it down."
"Okay," replies the novice nervously. "I got it by the ankle. Now wadda I do?"
Unfortunately, no egg was found.

"Okay, I gafe it duh banana. But I don't think it yikes me," the novice taxidermist shouts down to the master taxidermist below. "Now wadda hi dew?"
"Offer it another banana," instructs the master. "And when it reaches out, grab it by its ankle."
"Then wadda hi dew?"
"Why, you lower it down to me, of course," says the master.
"Then wadda hi dew?"
"We pluck it and stuff it. We're taxidermists! Hey, you're not eating those damned bananas, are you?"
"Uh, yeah, I had a couble. Or tree. Then waddle hi dew?"
"You idiot!" exclaims the master. "We put barbiturates in them!"

March 15, 2018

As taxidermists prepare to capture an Ozone Warbler nesting high in one of the only trees for miles around, a shadowy figure emerges from the bushes.
"I give you fifty dollar!" he yells.
But the taxidermists don't hear him.
They are listening to the latest Audubon bird call album on their iPhones.


"Wadda I do now?" asks the novice taxidermist.
"Climb up to that branch underneath it," shouts the master taxidermist from below. "Shinny out to it and grab it by its ankle."
"Well... okay," says the novice, nervously, and resumes climbing.
Below, the other taxidermists are struggling to withhold their laughter.
"That's mean!" says one.
"It's his initiation," says the master.
"But we gave him your coat!"
"Hey, you up there," shouts the master. "On second thought, don't get under it. Go up to that higher branch and reach down and grab it."

March 22, 2018

Clacking and snapping, an Ozone Warbler is lowered to the ground by taxidermists.
"I don't think it likes me!" complains the novice taxidermist.
"Of course it doesn't like you," replies the master taxidermist from below. "It thinks you're going to pluck it and stuff it."
"Why would I do that?"
"Because you're a taxidermist, you idiot," says the master, exaspirated. "That's what we do!"


"All right, boys," says the master taxidermist to his crew. "Are you ready?"
"I'm gonna hold it down," says the big one.
"I'm gonna pluck it!" says another, fingers twitching.
"I'm gonna stuff it!" says the third, pounding his fist.
"I'm gonna mount it!" says the fourth with a crooked grin.
"That's the spirit," says the master with a satisfied smile.
"Now wadda I do?" asks the novice.

April 15, 2018



As taxidermists search the nesting crater of an Ozone Warbler for an egg, a suspicious figure in dark clothing leans out from behind a boulder and says, in a low voice, "I give you fifty dollar!"

Unfortunately no egg was found.

April 18, 2018

High in a tree, an Ozone Warbler waits patiently for the arrival of a female.
Soon she will arrive!
And then, perhaps, an egg.

Unfortunately, no egg was found.

April 19, 2018

Taxidermists begin plucking an Ozone Warbler found in a nesting crater.
"I can't wait to stuff it!" says one.
Suddenly an man in black pajamas runs up and examines the creature.
"I give you fifty dollar!" he says, slyly.
Unfortunately, no egg was found.