[Rick Masters]

July 14, 2017

"I don't think it likes me," says the novice taxidermist upon reaching the Ozone Warbler.
"Of course it doesn't like you," shouts the master taxidermist from below. "We're taxidermists. We're going to pluck it and stuff it."
"Well, wadda I do now?" asks the novice, staring nervously at the creature scant inches from his face as it clacks and snaps in anger.
"Grab it by its ankle," responds the master taxidermist. "That should settle it down."
"Okay," says the novice, cautiously reaching out and grabbing the creature by its ankle.
It instantly begins to relax.
"Now wadda I do?"
Unfortunately, no egg was found.

[Rick Masters]

Ozone Warbler caught taking a bath on video

VIDEO:    http://video.dailymail.co.uk/video/mol/2017/10/11/3958242040915840816/1024x576_MP4_3958242040915840816.mp4
"In this rare video," says a professor from the university, "an Ozone Warbler fitted with a tiny camera is caught taking a bath.
    "Researchers had previously believed the creatures were attempting to mate with their reflections in the water, but this new video raises the possibility that Ozone Warblers are landing in salt water to reduce infestations of lice and other parasites."
    "The creature seems to be quite happy in the water," continued the professor, "fluffing its plumage and frollocking without a care when it is suddenly snatched from the water by a cook from a nearby North Korean restaurant."
    Unfortunately, no egg was found.

[Rick Masters]

October 28, 2017


As picnickers wait hungrily, taxidermists lower a perfectly toasted Ozone Warbler to the barbeque table.
All 30,000 people who lost their power attended the barbeque.
"Yeah, we lost poor grandma when the oxygen generator went off," said a participant. "But who cares? This is finger-lickin' good!"

"Look! It's still smokin'!" says Big Mike, standing next to an angry Ozone Warbler. "Sizzlin' and not too crunchy. Just the way I like it."
Unfortunately, no egg was found.

[Rick Masters]

Co-pilot: "Sir, I think we've had another bird strike."
Pilot: "Not another Ozone Warbler!"
Co-pilot: "Yes, sir. It's hung up on the horizontal stabilzer."
Pilot: "Damn! Prepare for a Lomcovak! That should shake it loose."

[Rick Masters]

Co-pilot: "Oh my God, sir. Ozone Warblers have been sucked into both engines! We're going down!"
Pilot: "Don't worry about it, son. I'm an old hang glider pilot. I can handle this. Switch on that Colver vario."

[Rick Masters]

In this rare photograph, two Ozone Warblers are captured in the early stages of their mating ritual.
The Ozone Warbler that has just arrived is identified with an arrow.
    "They appear to be eyeing each other before engaging in the actual act," says a professor from the university.
"Unlike most Passeriformes, the Ozone Warbler attracts a mate by issuing a mating call of 'Hallop! Hallop!' This can go on for hours or even days. At some point, the Ozone Warbler issuing the call becomes too weak to mate. We have determined that this initial evaluation by the second Ozone Warbler results in a decision of whether to continue the mating ritual or to leave. In this case, darkness fell and we were unable to discover what happened."
Unfortunately, no egg was found.

[Rick Masters]

Ladderless starving peasants argue over who will get gas for the chainsaw.

"You go get some gas."
"I can't go anywhere. I'm starving."
"Okay, then, I'll get it."
"Good. I'll go get the barbeque sauce."
"Wait a minute. I thought you couldn't go anywhere because you were starving."
"That's right. I haven't eaten for days."
"So how can you go get barbeque sauce?"
"I dunno. You get it."
"I'm not gonna get it. I'm starving, too."
"But you said you were going to get gas for the chainsaw."
"That's right. We have to. We don't have ladders."
"So get some barbeque sauce on the way back."
"I can't carry them both. I'm starving."
"But we can't barbeque the Ozone Warbler without barbeque sauce!"
"That's true. We need some barbeque sauce."
"Alright, then. I'll go get the barbeque sauce."
"Wait a minute. I thought you couldn't go anywhere because you were starving."
"That's right. I haven't eaten for days."
"So how can you go get barbeque sauce?"
"I dunno. I can't. You get it."
"I'm not gonna get it. I'm starving, too."
"But you said you were going to get gas for the chainsaw."
"That's right. We have to. We don't have ladders."
"So get some barbeque sauce on the way back."
"I can't carry them both. I'm starving."
"But we can't barbeque the Ozone Warbler without barbeque sauce!"
"So go get some barbeque sauce."
"I can't. I'm starving."

[Rick Masters]

"In this rare photograph," says a professor from the university, "a nesting Ozone Warbler feeds on nutritious grubs and small insects as it waits patiently for a mate to arrive."
Unfortunately, no egg was found.

[Rick Masters]

    "In this rare photograph an Ozone Warbler uses a stick to fend off a pole weilded by the starving, ladderless peasants below," says a professor from the university. "Up to this time, we were unaware the creature had the intelligence to be a tool user. Now it joins the otter, which smashes open oysters on its belly with a rock while floating in the ocean, and chimpanzees, which tease tastey termites out of their earthen nests with twigs."


    Unfortunately, no egg was found.

[Rick Masters]

March 11, 2017


High in a lonely forest, an Ozone Warbler's hopeful cry of "Hallop! Hallop!" echos through the empty trees without answer.
Soon, perhaps, a mate will come.
Then, the Great Ozone Warbler willing, an egg!

Unfortunately, no egg was found.